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Would you like to know something that annoys me about myself?
How sometimes I'm so freaking emotional.

I have a particular memory that evokes so much sadness I cannot stop myself from breaking down whenever it is mentioned. The thing is, it's not even that sad - like nothing particularly horrific happens... no one dies. It's just that remembering it makes me so unbelievably upset, I force myself not to think about it.

Sometimes I have really scary thoughts, thoughts that have literally reduced me to tears.
It was father's day last Sunday and we went out to dinner on the Friday before it. My little brother told us that there was this kid in his class who had lost his father and still made him a father's day card. I thought that was unbearably sweet....but then dark thoughts hit me. What if my dad died?  What would I do?
I literally broke down in the middle of the restaurant. Of course no one had no idea what I was suddenly crying about, I think at first they thought I was fake crying and they kinda brushed it off. I forced myself to stop crying for real and pretended that I was actually faking it like they thought. Stopping thinking about something when it has strongly affected you is a hard thing to do. Trust me.

At times there isn't something in particular that triggers these morbid thoughts. One time I was in my sociology class and I just looked at the students in my class and wondered what it would be like if I just wasn't there, if I just didn't exist. I didn't have a physical reaction to this..but I felt a strong sadness inside me that just felt like it was weighing itself on my shoulders. I don't know why I allow my mind to wander like this.
Things that usually wouldn't make me upset have brought me to tears. I listened to a song that I've heard and seen the music video of so many times without shedding one single tear, but suddenly it made me cry so much. Today, I accidentally stepped on a snail and sobbed for a good 5 minutes.

These things haven't just started happening, it's been going on for a while now. I haven't told anyone - there isn't much of  need to, they're just irrational thoughts and feelings.But somehow I feel better sharing this part of me with a group of people who don't know me in person, even if you guys now think of me as some emotional wreck.

I need to be clear, the majority of the time I am a quite happy, upbeat person that will always try to look on the bright side of everything...
..I just really needed to write this post.